4 (sort of) new things I’ve learnt about love

Boys and girls! Happy belated new year!! I hope this year is going better than last year for you; and if it’s not, I hope you know that you are not alone and more importantly you will be alright. So talk, cry, pray, light a blunt and pull through.

Before you ask, No I’m not going to wax motivationals on you today. I’m going to talk about my favourite topic-me🌚-and hopefully you can relate.

People, Athena is in love. 😫

Considering the fact that I am an avid disciple of the single/hoe life this is a pretty remarkable achievement so yay me!

via GIPHY

Anyway, my partner and I recently celebrated the end of our first year together (again, yay me!) and I spent part of that day reflecting on the last twelve months spent consistently loving one single man. I came up with 5 major new-well not so new-things I learnt about monogamous love. I say “not so new” because some of these things, I was aware of before, but I came to understand them a lot better during the past year… and since we’re in the season of love wiggles eyebrows, I thought to share them. So here goes four (sort of) new things I’ve learnt about love.

**DISCLAIMER=this is about my life, and things that apply to me. It may not necessarily apply to everyone so please feel free to pick whatever you find valid and trash what ever you don’t. Bless you.

1) Many of the things you think are deal breakers actually are not.
Yep. Things like age, looks, body count (mschew🙄), tribe, religion (dodges stone😭) and even money (dodges handful of stones😩). Mostly irrelevant.

Don’t get me wrong, whoever said there is no romance without finance didn’t lie. And I do understand that these things could cause real problems. But based on my experience, the presence of any or all of these factors, in the way you would like them, does not guarantee lasting love. And the absence of them does not mean your love is doomed as well.

Like most things in life, love is not “one size fits all” and there is no blueprint for the ideal circumstances to fall or be in love. I guess what I’m trying to say is take a careful chance. We all have our value sets and I would not advice that you deviate from yours. But if these factors don’t really take away from those values, take a chance and choose to love in spite of them.

People love differently.

2) Everybody has a different interpretation of what love is and how it should be expressed
Fadalaud!!!! I can write books on this mehn. So I have been described by a lot of people as a princess/diva/madam; simply put I expect to be adored and treated like royalty no matter what. And until recently nobody has ever had the nerve to refuse to adore me. So when I met my partner and he didn’t worship me as usual, I was amazed to say the least. But over time I got over the shock and tried (after throwing tantrums) to understand why my partner wasn’t loving me the way I was used to being loved.

The answer I found to that? People love differently. Some people are the queens and Kings of PDA, others find it awkward and uncomfortable to do more than shake hands in public (those ones low key don’t have sense sha but oh well 😊). Same way some people talk to you nicely even when they’re pissed, others will scream into your soul. It’s important to try and understand your partner and what makes them tick. More importantly understand that the fact that your ex used to send you food every afternoon or cook every weekend and your current partner does not, doesn’t mean that they don’t love you.

Find out about the 5 love languages and how you can know which is yours.

Love needs a lot of compromise and sacrifice if it’s going to work, so forgive their eccentricity and understand that you are two different human beings coming from different walks of life. Also when you learn what their expectations are of a lover, it’s fine to try to align, at least to an extent. A good partner will see this effort, and it makes it easier to forgive the days when you want to be a selfish bastard and just do what you alone want. You see this love thing isn’t rocket science?

3) Love doesn’t get easier as you get older
After thinking it through I take back what I said at the end of #2. Love is fucking rocket science. Kick the eyeballs of anyone who tells you it’s not. Man! It is hard.

I used to think a lot of the woes I had in past relationships was because either my partner or I were not mature enough at the time. I started dating in my teens and after quite a few years, with a lot more life experience; love is as confusing today as it was for me ten years ago. I do not understand men enough to be able to have a bump-free love life. Hell, the fights I have with my partner now are so much wilder than the fights I was having six years ago. The fuck ups are not fewer, the hurts are not less.

I truly don’t have any solution for this, I won’t even lie. As you get older you encounter things and people that continue to change you; those experiences may or may not help you relate better with those around you. Nothing is really guaranteed. Shit will always happen, disappointments will always happen, you can play all your cards right and your relationship will still crash and burn; Or you may just stumble on true love and fumble through it into your happily ever after, that’s just the way life works.

Read: 2 apps and 8 places to find love this valentine 2018

I guess for me, the only way to cope with this is to reassure myself that no matter what happens, I will be fine in the end. Whether or not my love lasts, I will be fine. I mean I hope it will last, and I will take all my encounters and infuse them into my efforts to have worthwhile love in my life. But just in case it doesn’t, just know that you will be fine.

4) Love lasts because two people are consciously kind to; and forgiving of each other.
So yeah this for me is the most important thing I’ve learnt about loving and being loved, and this is where I will probably wax a teeny bit motivational (bite me🙄). When you choose to love, You’re basically opening up yourself to another a human being, who is as flawed and needy and sensitive as you.

So bear that in mind and make a choice to be kind to each other no matter what, and when this doesn’t happen make a choice to forgive each other regardless of how hurt you are. Of course some things can’t be forgiven, which is why people split anyway. But in cases where forgiveness is an option, choose to forgive. And have makeup sex, you know, just to close out.

Okay I’m done☺. Not sure any of this is meaningful, but if it is, try it out. I hope it helps you a bit to cope with the madness that is monogamy.

Sending you peace and love
Athena.

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