4 (sort of) new things I’ve learnt about love

Boys and girls! Happy belated new year!! I hope this year is going better than last year for you; and if it’s not, I hope you know that you are not alone and more importantly you will be alright. So talk, cry, pray, light a blunt and pull through.

Before you ask, No I’m not going to wax motivationals on you today. I’m going to talk about my favourite topic-me🌚-and hopefully you can relate.

People, Athena is in love. 😫

Considering the fact that I am an avid disciple of the single/hoe life this is a pretty remarkable achievement so yay me!

via GIPHY

Anyway, my partner and I recently celebrated the end of our first year together (again, yay me!) and I spent part of that day reflecting on the last twelve months spent consistently loving one single man. I came up with 5 major new-well not so new-things I learnt about monogamous love. I say “not so new” because some of these things, I was aware of before, but I came to understand them a lot better during the past year… and since we’re in the season of love wiggles eyebrows, I thought to share them. So here goes four (sort of) new things I’ve learnt about love.

**DISCLAIMER=this is about my life, and things that apply to me. It may not necessarily apply to everyone so please feel free to pick whatever you find valid and trash what ever you don’t. Bless you.

1) Many of the things you think are deal breakers actually are not.
Yep. Things like age, looks, body count (mschew🙄), tribe, religion (dodges stone😭) and even money (dodges handful of stones😩). Mostly irrelevant.

Don’t get me wrong, whoever said there is no romance without finance didn’t lie. And I do understand that these things could cause real problems. But based on my experience, the presence of any or all of these factors, in the way you would like them, does not guarantee lasting love. And the absence of them does not mean your love is doomed as well.

Like most things in life, love is not “one size fits all” and there is no blueprint for the ideal circumstances to fall or be in love. I guess what I’m trying to say is take a careful chance. We all have our value sets and I would not advice that you deviate from yours. But if these factors don’t really take away from those values, take a chance and choose to love in spite of them.

People love differently.

2) Everybody has a different interpretation of what love is and how it should be expressed
Fadalaud!!!! I can write books on this mehn. So I have been described by a lot of people as a princess/diva/madam; simply put I expect to be adored and treated like royalty no matter what. And until recently nobody has ever had the nerve to refuse to adore me. So when I met my partner and he didn’t worship me as usual, I was amazed to say the least. But over time I got over the shock and tried (after throwing tantrums) to understand why my partner wasn’t loving me the way I was used to being loved.

The answer I found to that? People love differently. Some people are the queens and Kings of PDA, others find it awkward and uncomfortable to do more than shake hands in public (those ones low key don’t have sense sha but oh well 😊). Same way some people talk to you nicely even when they’re pissed, others will scream into your soul. It’s important to try and understand your partner and what makes them tick. More importantly understand that the fact that your ex used to send you food every afternoon or cook every weekend and your current partner does not, doesn’t mean that they don’t love you.

Find out about the 5 love languages and how you can know which is yours.

Love needs a lot of compromise and sacrifice if it’s going to work, so forgive their eccentricity and understand that you are two different human beings coming from different walks of life. Also when you learn what their expectations are of a lover, it’s fine to try to align, at least to an extent. A good partner will see this effort, and it makes it easier to forgive the days when you want to be a selfish bastard and just do what you alone want. You see this love thing isn’t rocket science?

3) Love doesn’t get easier as you get older
After thinking it through I take back what I said at the end of #2. Love is fucking rocket science. Kick the eyeballs of anyone who tells you it’s not. Man! It is hard.

I used to think a lot of the woes I had in past relationships was because either my partner or I were not mature enough at the time. I started dating in my teens and after quite a few years, with a lot more life experience; love is as confusing today as it was for me ten years ago. I do not understand men enough to be able to have a bump-free love life. Hell, the fights I have with my partner now are so much wilder than the fights I was having six years ago. The fuck ups are not fewer, the hurts are not less.

I truly don’t have any solution for this, I won’t even lie. As you get older you encounter things and people that continue to change you; those experiences may or may not help you relate better with those around you. Nothing is really guaranteed. Shit will always happen, disappointments will always happen, you can play all your cards right and your relationship will still crash and burn; Or you may just stumble on true love and fumble through it into your happily ever after, that’s just the way life works.

Read: 2 apps and 8 places to find love this valentine 2018

I guess for me, the only way to cope with this is to reassure myself that no matter what happens, I will be fine in the end. Whether or not my love lasts, I will be fine. I mean I hope it will last, and I will take all my encounters and infuse them into my efforts to have worthwhile love in my life. But just in case it doesn’t, just know that you will be fine.

4) Love lasts because two people are consciously kind to; and forgiving of each other.
So yeah this for me is the most important thing I’ve learnt about loving and being loved, and this is where I will probably wax a teeny bit motivational (bite me🙄). When you choose to love, You’re basically opening up yourself to another a human being, who is as flawed and needy and sensitive as you.

So bear that in mind and make a choice to be kind to each other no matter what, and when this doesn’t happen make a choice to forgive each other regardless of how hurt you are. Of course some things can’t be forgiven, which is why people split anyway. But in cases where forgiveness is an option, choose to forgive. And have makeup sex, you know, just to close out.

Okay I’m done☺. Not sure any of this is meaningful, but if it is, try it out. I hope it helps you a bit to cope with the madness that is monogamy.

Sending you peace and love
Athena.

2 Apps & 8 Stores to prepare for valentine 2018

February approaches. With a myriad of events according to the radar. The adventure of February (apart from making money) is to find Love… around a corner, waiting at home, in a bottle, movie or lots of cake. If you are asking ‘what to do this valentine’. This post is about finding a Bumchi™ partner for that time of the year-you know, the bone of your bones, the reason you won’t slack again this year-and preparing a for a special time together.

The earlier you start searching, the surer it will work out finding a partner. What now happens after finding the person, you can jump to the stores section to find out. At the moment, don’t bother about events to attend, we will bring you event updates in early February. In no order.

Apps

Tinder – Definitely remains #1. Crop your best pictures. Find a filter. Put on your best angles and play the game of binary love in Lagos. If you are bothered about whether it’s real or it matters, read how Tinder works and satisfy your curiosity. Tinder is available on your PC, and mobile device. (It has ‘work mode’ so you can quickly have a spreadsheet on your screen and look busy.)

Twinder Bot – This app is a version of Tinder, but on Twitter. You follow it and tell it who you have a crush on, and it will DM you a reply if the coast is clear or not. Works for both sexes, is anonymous and we see testimonies about it.


Stores

You found a Bumchi™ partner. Good. Now to prepare for the valentine itself, below are 8 stores to pick something from for February. The list is not exhaustive, we have tried to cover all parts from food to gifts to…lingerie, Drop a store you know we should try out in the comments box.

              1. Riqueza Cakes – First attack. Cake is the beginning of all.

              2. Mahogany NG – Lingerie store

                Shop Mahogany (image source: mahogany.com.ng)
              3. The roots restaurant – Fine Dining. Ethnic Heritage Center, 35a Raymond Njoku street, Ikoyi
                Roots Restaurant, Ikoyi, Lagos. (Source: rootsrestaurant.com.ng)

                Roots Restaurant. (Source: rootsrestaurant.com.ng)
              4. Best Perf Deals – Smell good, feel good. Prices from N7, 000 – N100, 000. Offers free delivery on select items.

              5. 420 Culture – The couple that tokes together…

                (image source: 420culture.com.ng)
              6. 3diblesbyBanton – For the love of edibles… and the konji thereafter.

                (image source: 3diblesbybanton)
              7. BC Gardens – The food does wonders… and the ration is insane!!! 24, Ikoyi Crescent, Ikoyi, Lagos
              8. Closet whispers – From cuffs, body gear to herbs.
            1. Cuffs from closet whispers (image source: closet whispers)

              Herbs from Close Whisper (image source: closet whispers)

        Whose checklist is looking like this? Well-Done-Ma/Sir. 

50 songs we heard at Palmwine Festival hosted by Show Dem Camp

Great people,

How’s the resolution palaver coming?

Hehe. All the best.

So,

Remember sometime last year when we were making noise about the #PalmWineMusic EP released by Show Dem Camp?  Well, they decided to throw the #PalmWineFestival in late December last year. Word reaching us from folks in town and IJGBs was that it was a total and lit event. One IJGB said, after all the spending she did, it was the last and cheapest show she attended that actually made her feel really happy to be back home. Something like that. I was watching her dance to Funbi or BOJ, or maybe it was when Black Magic was performing. No, I think it was when MI came up after we had Ikon and Lynxxx, Dija, Femi Leye or so.

Total shout out to the SDC crew!!! Hell yeah, they got that yeah. Folks were grooving right from the beginning. Payback started the show, (remember Payback from Young Kulture’s 6th edition at Sao Cafe? Remember the name). Then we had tunes from these trio in the image below. I got them(their) names, but it has skipped me. Of which, if only you knew what they were saying on stage at this point. 

(Image credit: Pulse NG)

Anyways, this post is about the beautiful compilation made by @88factor a few days before the festival containing about 70 songs from all the performers at the event. The set is amazing for days!!!!!

Pulse NG has the inside scoop on pictures. 

Enjoy!

Peace, Palmwine & Feel Good Vibes.

10 New Year Resolutions for the Resolutionless

New Year, New Me.

STFU.

Allow people enjoy things abi? My take on resolutions, is… “that thing you know you should stop or do that if you stop or start doing, your life is going to CHANGE”. And that’s the thing right there with resolutions, people would actually stick to them if only people weren’t wired to resist change.

Question now becomes how do you convince the body to stick to change. Mind and/or body. Just the way a kleptomaniac really plans and wants to change, convincing yourself that you can survive without a certain habit… or by picking a certain habit is the real deal here.

Anyways, all the best to those with resolutions, kudos to you and remember, the trick is to accept the change. If you can go far in your mind and envision life with the change, maybe you will be able to stick to it this year. To those without resolutions, really? You don’t have to do ‘New Year, New Me’ but come on there has to be set paths you plan to go on this year.

None?

Please email me, we need to see a shrink for you.

If the matter is more of you have no idea what to resolute about, well, we are many. I plan to make some changes this year, thing is I’m not sure where. This would be a lot easier if Heaven played our tape from the previous year just as the clock turns 12 on New Year’s Eve and we can see our fuck ups but we will talk about misuse of spiritual resources some other day.

All good, here are some few things you can resolute on.

  1. Start a meditation routine Lol. Go Yoda up!
  2. Learn something new every dayThis one makes sense. As per it is almost achievable. Wiki has a featured article mailing list but this starts another issue. You guessed it? Clicking to read those mails. Smh. You can try watching a TED talk everyday or listen to The Moth podcasts. Good stuffs.
  3. Pick a hobby. Sleeping isn’t one. Solving maths is.
  4. Play some more. Now we’re talking. Obviously if you aren’t working enough, then sit down and get work done instead. If you are, remember the brain works best when it is allowed to de-tangle, return to a relaxed state and then start working again. Ask Pinky.
  5. Write a business plan/model. Hmmm. Hmmmmmm. A lil guideline as follows, take a business idea i.e. leather shoes for goats. To write a business plan here, answer the following.

a) Customer segments – Who are my customers. and not just goats, ghast to identify the segment of goats you want to sell to.
b) Value proposition – What are you solving for them? Do they care?
c) Communication – How do I relate/communicate with each of my customer segment. Some goats like email, some like farm news. Ghast to know how to reach each segment
d) Relationship – Now on each segment, you also have to know if you going to be friendly with them or make it strictly professional or just be wacking them. Understand the kind of relationship you will build with them
e) Revenue – You have to know whether this business is going to be a transactional something (one offs) or a recurring something
f) Key resources – Now you have to find out the key raw materials you will use to perform the business.
g) Key activities – The key activities as well
h) Key partners – and the key partners you need to work with i.e. suppliers, distribution etc
i) Cost structure – Very hard. How you come about the cost of your product/service.

If you need help with writing a business plan, hola, I know a few people that will offer you FREE consultation in the community.

6ix. Read books. For real. Reading tweets and IG memes isn’t enough. You have to ghast to sit and try crunch a story inside your head. Maybe you can start with erotica if books are not your thing. I say erotica because you really have to conjure up, in your brain, a lot of what the book is saying, which is really the point of reading, exercising the brain
7. Be gratefulStop being a bitch. Be nicer to life. It will be nice to you as well. Although, I approve of being nice with a bat stick trailing on the ground behind you.
8. Stop procrastinating. Hmmm. On Your Own on this. I’ll explain tomorrow.
9. Do planks… Or some body exercise of some sort. Idea is to live long enough to enjoy this world… and to really enjoy it means you can actually walk or jog in the old age time, not be moving about with wheel chair, unable to move without help and etc. Ask them old folks, money really isn’t it at that point as much as how to actually enjoy the money. So exercise. And by the way, does bedmatics count as exercise? Enlighten us in the comments below.
10. Increase your emotional intelligence. There’s this awakening going on in the world, or rather it’s more like, we are realizing that we are awakening or we’ve been awakening for a while now. Anyways, point is, increasing your EQ sets you up to live and enjoy life better… because you will be able to deal with people better… and we all know just how people are the only things wrong with this earth. Except you of course.

Ok, that’s 10 things you can resolute on this year. Remember, the idea isn’t to force your mind/body to start doing these things. Idea is to gently convince yourself that the changes work for you in a way that you can always continue with the iranu you actually want to get down to do.

This year, we are going to be having new experiences that will be tailored around developing sound and better life habits. For real. Mentioned exercise earlier… we could just as well run a 4.20km during the 420 festival this year. Yeah? Hashers do it every month in Lagos. Run and drink beer…. or from resolution #6, we can start a movie club instead of a book club. I mean, it’s almost reading, it’s just being acted out.

Wishing us all a good and fruitful 2018.
Peace, Love and Cuddles.

Excitement as Young Kulture announces 6th showdown in 2017

The December episode of 2017 is looking to have some of the greatest and mind-blowing events we are yet to witness.

For real.

That is why we are happy to see that the 6th edition of popular music tour series will be coming this December as well.

Yeah, Ameeeeen!!!

If you’ve ever been to Young Kulture, you can testify of the music ringing through your bones, setting you on fire and making you move cos you’re being transformed and connecting to the rappers and singers on the line-up. We expect nothing less from the final showdown of 2017. The team promises to make this one the best one yet and we at Cruis3 Control are looking to catch this cruis3.

Get ready people, Young Kulture is set to make your December the LOUDest one yet. You can tap into the Young Kulture vibe by clicking play on the record done just for you… Gatta love them, they do it for the Kulture!!! Bless!