4 (sort of) new things I’ve learnt about love

Boys and girls! Happy belated new year!! I hope this year is going better than last year for you; and if it’s not, I hope you know that you are not alone and more importantly you will be alright. So talk, cry, pray, light a blunt and pull through.

Before you ask, No I’m not going to wax motivationals on you today. I’m going to talk about my favourite topic-me🌚-and hopefully you can relate.

People, Athena is in love. 😫

Considering the fact that I am an avid disciple of the single/hoe life this is a pretty remarkable achievement so yay me!

via GIPHY

Anyway, my partner and I recently celebrated the end of our first year together (again, yay me!) and I spent part of that day reflecting on the last twelve months spent consistently loving one single man. I came up with 5 major new-well not so new-things I learnt about monogamous love. I say “not so new” because some of these things, I was aware of before, but I came to understand them a lot better during the past year… and since we’re in the season of love wiggles eyebrows, I thought to share them. So here goes four (sort of) new things I’ve learnt about love.

**DISCLAIMER=this is about my life, and things that apply to me. It may not necessarily apply to everyone so please feel free to pick whatever you find valid and trash what ever you don’t. Bless you.

1) Many of the things you think are deal breakers actually are not.
Yep. Things like age, looks, body count (mschew🙄), tribe, religion (dodges stone😭) and even money (dodges handful of stones😩). Mostly irrelevant.

Don’t get me wrong, whoever said there is no romance without finance didn’t lie. And I do understand that these things could cause real problems. But based on my experience, the presence of any or all of these factors, in the way you would like them, does not guarantee lasting love. And the absence of them does not mean your love is doomed as well.

Like most things in life, love is not “one size fits all” and there is no blueprint for the ideal circumstances to fall or be in love. I guess what I’m trying to say is take a careful chance. We all have our value sets and I would not advice that you deviate from yours. But if these factors don’t really take away from those values, take a chance and choose to love in spite of them.

People love differently.

2) Everybody has a different interpretation of what love is and how it should be expressed
Fadalaud!!!! I can write books on this mehn. So I have been described by a lot of people as a princess/diva/madam; simply put I expect to be adored and treated like royalty no matter what. And until recently nobody has ever had the nerve to refuse to adore me. So when I met my partner and he didn’t worship me as usual, I was amazed to say the least. But over time I got over the shock and tried (after throwing tantrums) to understand why my partner wasn’t loving me the way I was used to being loved.

The answer I found to that? People love differently. Some people are the queens and Kings of PDA, others find it awkward and uncomfortable to do more than shake hands in public (those ones low key don’t have sense sha but oh well 😊). Same way some people talk to you nicely even when they’re pissed, others will scream into your soul. It’s important to try and understand your partner and what makes them tick. More importantly understand that the fact that your ex used to send you food every afternoon or cook every weekend and your current partner does not, doesn’t mean that they don’t love you.

Find out about the 5 love languages and how you can know which is yours.

Love needs a lot of compromise and sacrifice if it’s going to work, so forgive their eccentricity and understand that you are two different human beings coming from different walks of life. Also when you learn what their expectations are of a lover, it’s fine to try to align, at least to an extent. A good partner will see this effort, and it makes it easier to forgive the days when you want to be a selfish bastard and just do what you alone want. You see this love thing isn’t rocket science?

3) Love doesn’t get easier as you get older
After thinking it through I take back what I said at the end of #2. Love is fucking rocket science. Kick the eyeballs of anyone who tells you it’s not. Man! It is hard.

I used to think a lot of the woes I had in past relationships was because either my partner or I were not mature enough at the time. I started dating in my teens and after quite a few years, with a lot more life experience; love is as confusing today as it was for me ten years ago. I do not understand men enough to be able to have a bump-free love life. Hell, the fights I have with my partner now are so much wilder than the fights I was having six years ago. The fuck ups are not fewer, the hurts are not less.

I truly don’t have any solution for this, I won’t even lie. As you get older you encounter things and people that continue to change you; those experiences may or may not help you relate better with those around you. Nothing is really guaranteed. Shit will always happen, disappointments will always happen, you can play all your cards right and your relationship will still crash and burn; Or you may just stumble on true love and fumble through it into your happily ever after, that’s just the way life works.

Read: 2 apps and 8 places to find love this valentine 2018

I guess for me, the only way to cope with this is to reassure myself that no matter what happens, I will be fine in the end. Whether or not my love lasts, I will be fine. I mean I hope it will last, and I will take all my encounters and infuse them into my efforts to have worthwhile love in my life. But just in case it doesn’t, just know that you will be fine.

4) Love lasts because two people are consciously kind to; and forgiving of each other.
So yeah this for me is the most important thing I’ve learnt about loving and being loved, and this is where I will probably wax a teeny bit motivational (bite me🙄). When you choose to love, You’re basically opening up yourself to another a human being, who is as flawed and needy and sensitive as you.

So bear that in mind and make a choice to be kind to each other no matter what, and when this doesn’t happen make a choice to forgive each other regardless of how hurt you are. Of course some things can’t be forgiven, which is why people split anyway. But in cases where forgiveness is an option, choose to forgive. And have makeup sex, you know, just to close out.

Okay I’m done☺. Not sure any of this is meaningful, but if it is, try it out. I hope it helps you a bit to cope with the madness that is monogamy.

Sending you peace and love
Athena.

2 Apps & 8 Stores to prepare for valentine 2018

February approaches. With a myriad of events according to the radar. The adventure of February (apart from making money) is to find Love… around a corner, waiting at home, in a bottle, movie or lots of cake. If you are asking ‘what to do this valentine’. This post is about finding a Bumchi™ partner for that time of the year-you know, the bone of your bones, the reason you won’t slack again this year-and preparing a for a special time together.

The earlier you start searching, the surer it will work out finding a partner. What now happens after finding the person, you can jump to the stores section to find out. At the moment, don’t bother about events to attend, we will bring you event updates in early February. In no order.

Apps

Tinder – Definitely remains #1. Crop your best pictures. Find a filter. Put on your best angles and play the game of binary love in Lagos. If you are bothered about whether it’s real or it matters, read how Tinder works and satisfy your curiosity. Tinder is available on your PC, and mobile device. (It has ‘work mode’ so you can quickly have a spreadsheet on your screen and look busy.)

Twinder Bot – This app is a version of Tinder, but on Twitter. You follow it and tell it who you have a crush on, and it will DM you a reply if the coast is clear or not. Works for both sexes, is anonymous and we see testimonies about it.


Stores

You found a Bumchi™ partner. Good. Now to prepare for the valentine itself, below are 8 stores to pick something from for February. The list is not exhaustive, we have tried to cover all parts from food to gifts to…lingerie, Drop a store you know we should try out in the comments box.

              1. Riqueza Cakes – First attack. Cake is the beginning of all.

              2. Mahogany NG – Lingerie store

                Shop Mahogany (image source: mahogany.com.ng)
              3. The roots restaurant – Fine Dining. Ethnic Heritage Center, 35a Raymond Njoku street, Ikoyi
                Roots Restaurant, Ikoyi, Lagos. (Source: rootsrestaurant.com.ng)

                Roots Restaurant. (Source: rootsrestaurant.com.ng)
              4. Best Perf Deals – Smell good, feel good. Prices from N7, 000 – N100, 000. Offers free delivery on select items.

              5. 420 Culture – The couple that tokes together…

                (image source: 420culture.com.ng)
              6. 3diblesbyBanton – For the love of edibles… and the konji thereafter.

                (image source: 3diblesbybanton)
              7. BC Gardens – The food does wonders… and the ration is insane!!! 24, Ikoyi Crescent, Ikoyi, Lagos
              8. Closet whispers – From cuffs, body gear to herbs.
            1. Cuffs from closet whispers (image source: closet whispers)

              Herbs from Close Whisper (image source: closet whispers)

        Whose checklist is looking like this? Well-Done-Ma/Sir. 

7 tested ways to snap back from a failed relationship.

This entry is from ‘Athena’, and she gives us some tried & trusted tips to bouncing back from a relationship, whatever the contract is.

Enjoy.


Let’s start with a few points to note:

  • A) The tips below are applicable to both sexes. However if as a man you choose to follow through, note that you will most likely be judged or written off as gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but brace yourself.
  • B) Experience shows that these tips apply to majority of the relationship types. So whether it’s a broken engagement or a fuckbuddy contract gone wrong, I’ve got you covered. Not applicable to marriage though. Thanks and God bless.
  • C) All the tips discussed have been tested by and have worked for ME. No scientific theories were utilized to arrive at them. So try them out at your own peril, and if anything goes wrong, instead of trying to hunt me down just return to tip #1 and start again. It’s bound to work at least once in your lifetime😁

Continue Reading

Tales From The Jungle

One of the best combinations ever has to be kush and nature. I mean, lighting up in a natural atmosphere. Anyways, enjoy this piece from community member ‘Black’. Some nice adventure he had.

-Oga Kunle


Miles away from our restricted zone (school), myself and two of my friends decides to go find the latest dealer in town while exploring the town and plants (kush) like the botanist (junkies) that we are..

The drive was a bit far but the goal was worth it cause a kush lover knows there’s nothing like the feel and trips of a new good joint in your system plus adding a new dealer to your contact incase your current dealer goes MIA(busted). Continue Reading

Ali & The General’s Safe (Part 3)

The concluding part of the story. Is Ali in a set up?

Click to read Part 1

Click to read Part 2

Enjoy

– Oga Kunle


“Please don’t ruin the moment by still trying to rob me, let’s just enjoy this for now”

He went limp for a second, finally relaxed and continued dancing with her. And dancing. After the 3rd song, she put her hand on her crotch and started to rub it. She rubbed it while gyrating her ass on him. Continue Reading

Love with an Unreliable Insight

LOVE…..

What is LOVE?

A question I think impossible to answer as every individual experiences love in a different way and has different ways of showing it.

So how do we define accurately something that affect people in very different ways, and is usually easier to express than defined.

 

Personally, I think Love is an irrational act which defies all the laws of rational thinking and actions Continue Reading

Ali & The General’s Safe (Part 2)

What happened after Ali used his senses, part 2 of Ali’s safe.

Click to start from Part 1.

Enjoy.

– Oga Kunle


It was then he smelt it. The smell. He had heard of people who smell death when it comes, and he started to wonder how death could smell so good, so sweet, so familiar. He looked at her. She had been looking at him all through like she was waiting for him to figure it out. He looked in her eyes and saw it. Her eyes set sparks to the smell of arousal that was gradually filling the room. Continue Reading